It can be so easy to reach for consequences when you feel frustrated with your children. And while you are more powerful than your child, they might get some results.
But in the longer run, that exercise of power doesn’t work. As our children get older, and gain some power of their own, your efforts at coercion will show up in conflict and tension.
Consequences, punishments and rewards ( which are all part of the same continuum) don’t work because they
- don’t actually work to motivate people to behave well;
- are based on a misunderstanding of how the human brain works;
- we tend to reach for them when we are upset – which isn’t a time when our brain is working at it’s best;
- are an exercise in power and control, which is something we want to use with great caution.
Listen as I talk more about why consequences don’t work.